Come What May

You can say that you know God is great, all you want, but until you have to pick up that cross that you can’t carry- and He picks it up and carries you and the cross, then you know. 

In my most recent struggles, I have spent so much time sitting and thinking through solutions. I have written in my journal, I have talked, and I have asked for advice. I have become tired. I’m tired of exhausting myself thinking circles around my situations. This morning, I am tired. This morning, I woke up and began to talk with God- just some small talk- God why am I so tired? I had such a good day yesterday, but yet I’m still physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. Please give me strength.

CS Lewis once said “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”

It has never meant more than now. As I do feel God shouting at me- this morning I heard Him shouting saying:

You’re tired because you sing: Savior, He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save- yet you live: Jordan, I can move the mountains, I am mighty to save, I am mighty to save. Just last night, Jordan, you went to bed a song in which sang “You have the power alone-“ But you live through your own power. You are weak, but I am strong- there is strength to be found, but can only be found in me. You don’t have to find ways to get through your situations, you have to find Me. In My sermon, on the Mount, I even told you the solution. Seek FIRST the Kingdom, and then everything else will be added. My child, you worry too much. You forget to remember the things I have brought you from, in the past. You forget that this isn’t your first struggle, and it most certainly wouldn’t be my first victory. In me, there is rest. You so stubbornly seek your next step, but can’t find it. You are smart enough to know what the next step is not- so you swim in circles, allowing waves to bring you down for days, even weeks; my grace continues to pull you up, hoping you will strive for wisdom, not just to be smart. You know what not to do, but have struggled to find what to do.  When you see that your next step cannot be taken outside of me, and seek me, you will find wisdom to discern that next step.

CS Lewis also said: “There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way”

You’re tired because you keep living this and are seeing no results.

I have begun a journey through the Bible- I will be starting another blog, to post about my daily devotions, while on my journey. This is good accountability for me, more than anything- because I enjoy writing. You can find it on www.alittlemorethanbread.com — I started yesterday, and will include bits from my devotion in here- But, in the future, it will be two separate blogs.

I started in Matthew 1- I love reading in Matthew, about King Herod attempting to “destroy” Jesus while Jesus was just an infant. Even after the death of Herod, as Herod’s son followed him as King- protection still followed Jesus. Through the devotion of Joseph and the Three Wise Men, they were prepared to hear from God in their dreams and visions- leading them away from Herod, and his son- otherwise they might not have been spiritually ready to discern this guidance.

This reminds me that my walk with Christ affects so many more than myself- and also reminds me that The Lord directs the steps, but I must be close enough to HIM to be able to hear what the steps are. My future is already determined- I, now, must submit to His will and focus on Christ. The closer I am to Christ the straighter my path.

We must come to an understanding that more than we need anything else in life we need Him. More than the need to understand, we need HIM. Nothing is reaching its potential until everything is being done through HIM. My relationships, friendships, joy, peace, rest, comfort, happiness, favor, NOTHING! It is so comforting to know that my future success is already mapped out- I can do nothing to alter what has already been planned- but I CAN try to reach it myself and never get there. I am so thankful that Christ believed in me enough to already plan my future- thankful enough to believe in HIM to get me there.

Now then, being justified by his blood we have peace of God THROUGH HIM. It’s IN HIM that we live move and have our being. If you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that God raised HIM from the grave, you shall be saved. I am more than a conqueror THROUGH HIM. No eyes have seen, no ear has heard, neither has entered the heart of man the things God has prepared for those that love HIM. Now unto HIM that is able to keep you from falling.. “Now unto HIM that can do exceedingly abundantly above all you ever ask hope or think.”

The thought of today is good. I have found peace. When Jesus was born, Joseph had no idea what would come in the days ahead- and this isn’t Jordan Cranfield we’re talking about- it’s Jesus Christ- the, soon to be, Savior of the World. But He feared the Lord enough to remain close to HIM, and because of that his steps were guided. The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord, but to be righteous you must be close to HIM, to hear the orders.

The thought of tomorrow is better. Jesus rose from the grave and solved all of my tomorrows. If I’m close to HIM, He’ll lead me through them.

Yesterday I was clever, and I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, and I’m changing myself.  - Mark Crow

I’m not there yet; but I’m going to be.

This past weekend I came to a thrilling revelation- what I do with it is yet to be seen, but the fault has been revealed. I trust my self entirely too much. So much so that my eyes remain on me.

I was sitting at a conference in Dallas when the Lord began to speak to me. Here I was, taking all these notes, listening to a couple of my favorite preachers, and God wants to speak to me. Matt Chandler is throwing down an incredible sermon and I’m missing it because God is trying to talk to me. That’s another blog in itself- but I’ll stick to today. This is what I heard:

Jordan, you’ve been running, screaming, panting, frantically chasing after the next thing, trying to move mountains you never will. You’re not built to move mountains alone- you get weary and burnt out because you try.

I’ve been sitting on His Throne.

Isaiah 6:1 — In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple.

Here Isaiah is, saying: In the year of King Uzziahs death, I saw the Lord! When King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord! In the Isaiah commentary, that I read, it says: “For Judah, it was the year Uzziah died; for Isaiah, it was the year he saw the Lord.”

Isn’t it funny how you can go through the same exact situation as someone else and it hits you completely different ways?

I always get frustrated when I’m going through something and someone says, “I know how you feel!” You don’t know how I feel! Everything affects everyone differently. No, I’m not throwing myself a pity party- But, there are so many factors that play into each situation and how it affects someone. What’s significant to me may be insignificant to you. What’s insignificant to me may be significant to you.

So, in relationship to this story, Judah is frustrated- because Isaiah says in the year Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. But, Judah is frustrated, because Uzziah had reigned longer than any other king. In fact, they had started to look at him as if he was god! So when Uzziah died, everyone else was sad- but Isaiah said, I saw the Lord!

What in your life has to die for you to really see God?

For me, its myself- I get in the way of God in my life so often. I have forgotten that it was for freedom that Christ set me free. Freedom from moving mountains on my own. I have spent so much time trying to make something of myself when I can’t possibly do so. It is finished. I just need to submit.

I have lived as if there is some great formula to obtain God’s greater vision- so much so that I’ve taken Him out of the equation and have attempted to put anything and everything in there to get the right solution. So we get all these things in our lives trying to make them better- whether it be a new hobby or relationship or friendship- then soon find out it’s not adequate to replace the void that Christ must, and find ourselves farther back than we were when we started. We must take to heart that it’s not built on a formula, it’s built on a promise- we were created for more.

I also heard a quote that really resonated with me - The pain I feel isn’t from my circumstances- but from God prying open my hands to take away what I’ve been holding more dearly than Him.

He is jealous for me. God loved you enough to move some stuff and people out of your life so you could see Him. We live and act as if God can’t hook us up without our permission. Won’t God make someone leave your life who’s no good for you? Won’t God make a job fire you so he can promote you? Won’t God provide a way for you to get out of a situation that’s keeping you from seeing Him, because you don’t have the strength to get out yourself?

God will do whatever it takes to get you back in His presence.

Within Judah, there was a significant spiritual decline. When Uzziah first took over the throne, his eyes were on the Lord. But, at some point, he took his eyes off of God. As soon as he did this, leprosy came over his body. Uzziah had a good start, but a bad finish. In contrast, many of us have had a bad start- but fortunately there is time to make it a good finish.

Our God is higher than any low point in our lives

In reading Isaiah 6:1, the first thing Isaiah shows us is His position. The scripture says, He was lofty and exalted. Which tells me, whatever I’m going through- He’s above my circumstances. So many times we get worked up over the situations in our life, situations we can’t change- we’ll find peace when we believe that He’s above it. Addictions, sins, finances, intrapersonal conflict, etc. God is above it. That doesn’t mean He’ll fix it today- but it means He’s above it and when He’s ready, He can fix it. Not only do we see His position, but we see His presence. “… And the train of his robe filled the temple.” His presence filled the temple. We need His presence! Sometimes we go through situations and we can’t find the solution; broken relationships, broken families, addiction, depression, whatever it is. You’ve been searching for a solution for days, weeks, months, years. You have to get in His presence. There is a part of your heart that can ONLY be filled by Him! You are going through hell and you can’t figure out why, it’s because your expecting other things/people to fill what they can’t! In his word it says, in His presence, there is FULLNESS of Joy! The more of his presence you get in you, the less you will need from others. Not to say we don’t need others- but we have to have both.

I must get off of my throne! When I get off of His throne, and let him reign in my life- I will begin to receive the fullness of joy that is promised.

You may not be on His throne, but what is? What’s keeping you from seeing God?

I’m not there yet, but I want to be!

I am confused as to why we continue to ask people how they are doing- we all respond with “good,” whether we are good or not! What’s the point in asking?

Vulnerability is my single least favorite word and feeling. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful. It’s dangerous. It’s non-existent in my life. Think about this question…

I know a lot of people, but how many people really know me?

Have you ever felt like you knew what other people were going through, but no one really knew about what you’re going through? For me, I would say not many. Maybe two. I keep so many things from people- these things aren’t anything to be ashamed of, I just don’t like talking about all of my personal issues. I have a hard time saying I’m not okay. My discomfort comes from the thought that no one knows what I’m going through. Don’t get me wrong- I don’t ever think I have it worse than everyone- in fact I tend to think I have it really good- but different situations effect people differently and it’s hard for people to get a grasp on that. What’s small to me is huge to someone else- what’s huge to me is small to someone else. But, in looking over my life, I see a huge hole: I have come to live in a very dangerous world, one in which no one knows the real me.

I was standing in a prayer circle several weeks ago, as we prepared to take the platform for worship, and someone asked if anyone had any prayer requests- everyone was silent. Maybe I’m wrong, but I have a hard time believing no one needed prayer- in fact, I knew one person, in particular, on the team, was struggling with some situations- I, too, could’ve used prayer. I began to think about why this is. Why are we so afraid to uncover ourselves? Why do we build so many walls keeping us from others? For some, the perception is that it has become “dramatic” to reveal our daily issues. We’re afraid of rejection- we’re afraid to get too close because we’ve lost too many close relationships in our lives. The fear of no one understanding, as well as the fear of being dramatic is traumatic to our spiritual and emotional health. This comes back to my first blog, about the bleeding woman, – “should I go out there?” Should I reveal this? They aren’t in my situation and could very well misinterpret it, and it could appear a lot worse than it really is… Will they tell other people that I’m struggling with doubt? Will they tell everyone that I’m just not happy? I don’t mind a couple people knowing- but what if everyone finds out? I don’t want to look like the kid that talks about situations to make everyone feel bad for me- if they tell everyone I struggle with doubt, I’ll be made out to be an atheist- if they tell everyone I’m not happy- I’ll either be ungrateful, suicidal, looking for attention, or all of the above- so what do I do?

The fact of the matter is that we are all fighting some sort of battle- whether it be physical, spiritual, mental, relational, or financial. But, we weren’t meant to fight them alone- it wasn’t the plan for us to do this life alone- in 1 Corinthians 12, it tells us we were strategically created to collectively become one body.

In Ecclesiastes 4, it says: Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice.

I have heard it said before to tear your walls down, I’m not saying to do so. In Nehemiah, the walls of Jerusalem have been torn to rubble- what starts as a disagreement in how the walls should be rebuilt, turns to Jerusalem finding itself looking at a potential war. Nehemiah, seeing this vulnerability, comes in and leads the city to rebuild the walls. He knew that Jerusalem would never be great if they had no defense, or walls. But they had to be the right walls. 

In the same way, we will never be great if we don’t have walls. We must replace our walls and defense of insecurity and fear with walls of people and accountability. Find people to be your walls. We must get to a place where we can be open and uncover situations that are keeping us from growing. You can’t always be strong- but you can allow others to be strong for you. I must become vulnerable to become strong. I must expose my weakness to exploit it.

I’m not there yet, but I want to be!

I think a theme has been hidden behind the majority of my blogs this month, whether I intended there to be or not. Even stated at a time or two, “Where is God?” Today is April 30^th, 2012- this blog ends my first month of blogging – I hope that my most recent revelation will end this question in my heart, as well. I found myself looking at Jeremiah 29:11 yesterday. I don’t lack purpose- I know what God wants to use me for- it’s fairly simple: to make Him known. Now, where all I will do that, I’m not sure- but I know wherever I am, the purpose is the same. A couple verses later is what got to me, though… Jeremiah 29:13 – You will seek me and find me, when you search for me with your heart; and I’ll be found in you declares the Lord.

Matthew 5:6 – Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.

This is so powerful! The Lord says, “Here I am! I’m here for you! I’m waiting to be found! I promise I’ll come through!” And Matthew 5:6 says SHALL BE FILLED, not might be filled.

Often, we want the presence, but we’re not hungry enough. We want that unspeakable joy, but we’re not hungry enough! “I want to get over my past, I want to get over this situation, I want to get out of this depression, I want to get this loneliness off of me, I want to be filled with Him…”

No we don’t; because the Bible doesn’t say, “might” be filled. The Bible says if you’re hungry, you get to eat. We’re not hungry enough… We have to get hungrier for God than everything in our lives. We must get hungrier for God than we are for relationships, we must get hungrier for God than we are for approval, and we must get hungrier for God than we are for money. When we get hungrier for Him we’ll put everything out. We’ll get rid of people that you need to and we’ll put the things down that are causing our minds and lives to be filled with everything but Him.

I was trying to think of someone who really longed to be filled by the God, throwing selfish ambitions away to do so, maybe none more than David- he was, after all, a man after God’s own heart. This story has torn me up—-

1 Samuel 30:8

David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they went on their way.

When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.

Then David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelek, “Bring me the ephod. ” Abiathar brought it to him, and David inquired of the Lord, “Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?”

Let me get this straight… David goes away, and comes back home to find his wives and kids taken captive, as well as finding everything burned to the ground. Even still, he has the composure to come before the Lord and seek His permission to pursue.

Forgive me, but I wouldn’t be asking permission to pursue. I’d load up everyone I could and head off to find my family at any cost.

But, David said shall I pursue? David would not pursue without permission.

Just because you lost something doesn’t mean God wants you to have it back! The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. We must come to a point of faith in this, that when things or people are removed from our life, we don’t get off track for days, months, even years, asking God why He allowed it to happen!

So, David said, shall I pursue?

David said God you’re my everything- I’m a man after your own heart. You called me before anybody knew me. You anointed me before you appointed me. I wasn’t even King, Saul was, but you placed me before I even got the position. I want you to understand, as much as I miss my wife and kids- as much as I want to pay these dudes back- if you don’t tell me to go- I’m not going. I, based on my past experiences, trust you in every situation of my life.

I think I’ve always expected trust to be a feeling. I expect it to be comfortable- truth of the matter is it’s not comfortable and it’s not a feeling, it’s a choice- David chose to trust in God. I doubt it was comfortable considering the circumstances. In fact, in one translation- It suggests the men spent a significant amount of time weeping. But, because of David’s faithfulness- verse 8 says: “He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake and shall surely rescue.””

How do I get so mature that I say, with my broken and impatient self, God- If there’s some stuff I’ve forfeited in my life because of some choices, I’m just glad I’m not dead. God I want these things back so bad, but if you don’t want me to have them, I won’t pursue. If there’s anything I can’t have, because of my dumb choices, I’m just so glad to saved and healthy. But, our God is so good- He said even though you made a bad move, David; even though you blew it David; not only am I going to let you survive- but my answer to you is YES. Go pursue it.

He won’t do it for you. We often find ourselves waiting on God to move on our behalf. God’s sovereignty and human responsibility work hand in hand, you need both. They work together- God originates the plan, we respond and carry out. God gets His work done through his people. But, God wants you to have it back-

God wants you to have peace back-

God wants you to have joy back-

God wants you to have your love back-

God wants you to have your confidence back-

God wants you to have your purpose back-

But we must get HUNGRY for it. We must seek it out with all of our hearts. So many of us, if we’re honest, would say that we probably would have spent a great deal of time basking in doing things other than turning to God- we would turn to other people and other things. We would fill our hearts with things other than the presence and Word of God.

My heart is full of things in which I unconsciously trust to fill the hole of which only God can fill.

Where is God? He’s behind the things I comfortably fall back on, He’s behind my iniquities, He’s waiting to be pursued above all else.

I can have my joy back, but I must first lay some things down.

I’m not there yet, but I want to be!

Three months ago, I typed out a text to send to a close friend, a mentor. It was a rather long text. At the end of this text- I found myself saying: “I’m not supposed to be this guy. I’m supposed to be the guy who has it all together. Someone that people can rely on, and right now I can’t even rely on myself.”

For the past three months, I have been upset with myself that I wasn’t who I thought I should be. In this Christian “walk” that I am on, I have found myself at THE level. No, I don’t think I’m the greatest Christian, nor do I think I’m elite. In fact, I am not a “good” Christian. But, I can say that I have arrived.

I have arrived at the level in which a Christian thinks he or she is not allowed stumble anymore.

God help me.

It’s not that I don’t stumble- it’s that I can’t let people see it. I can’t uncover my flaws. I can’t be real with people, they won’t understand. I’ve been in the church for 22 years, I grew up in a pastor’s home- I can’t be known as a sinner. I can’t ask for help, people ask me for help. I have reached the point in which “I know better.” I have kids in high school texting me, asking for spiritual advice; I can’t be found out.

It doesn’t matter the sin, whether big or small, it’s the concept. In reality, I think a lot of people can relate. As Christians, we get to a point in which our fear of judgment hinders our ability to grow, to further our relationship with Christ. We have become so good at hiding that we can’t be found! It’s at this point in which we begin to wonder where God is. Why isn’t He answering my prayers? Can He hear me? Is He there? It’s funny- when we’re lost, we think God is lost.

Isaiah 59(Message) Look! Listen! God’s arm is not amputated—he can still save. God’s ears are not stopped up—he can still hear. There’s nothing wrong with God; the wrong is in you. Your wrongheaded lives caused the split between you and God. Your sins got between you so that he doesn’t hear.

We have often heard sin being related to a seed. The seed is laid, and covered with soil, in the instant of a decision to sin. The problem is that sin is often followed by more sin. Sin produces tough times; or causes rain to fall, if you will. As the rain falls, the seed begins to sprout. Weeds, or a foundation, begin to spread. As the plant rises out of the soil, it begins to receive the sunlight that it needs. Remember, no one knows about this seed- you’re still attending church every time it’s open, you’re still offering to pray for people, you’re still engaging yourself with people who are hurt offering hope; you CAN’T be found out. So, you’re still receiving some light. The rain keeps coming and the plant keeps growing, until it is fully grown and has begun to produce contagious deadly fruit. The pattern is easy to catch on to, hard to stop. So what do you do?

It’s a lot harder to control the rain and sun than it is to uncover a yet-to-be sprouted seed.

We must begin to uncover our iniquities. I’m not saying go post it on Social Media-or walk up to people and confess your sins. I’m saying be real with people. there is a difference in between uncovering and promoting. Uncover, don’t promote. If you’re starting to struggle with something, find accountability- it’s a lot easier to uncover someone else’s seed than it is to uncover your own. Find someone who will respectfully uncover your seeds. It’s still up to you to remove them.

Sin puts chains around us- we’re so focused on looking at people, making sure they don’t see our chains, that we don’t look at them ourselves to see that the chains have already been broken. We are bound by things that have already been defeated. We are bound by our refusal to lay our pride down.

“I’m not supposed to be this guy. I’m supposed to be the guy who has it all together. Someone that people can rely on, and right now I can’t even rely on myself.”

The beauty of the Gospel is this, Jesus came so that you would not have to get it together- but so that you could offer him the broken pieces of your fragmented life, and your uncertain future, so that all things could be made new.

I’m not there yet, but I want to be-able to willingly uncover my sins.

I start to find myself in these moments of doubt, wondering where God is, and if He isn’t here- when He’ll be here. Why? Because I expect it, I have grown to believe my God is a “safe” God who will care for everything, and by that it means that every situation will be easy. Where did this come from? It doesn’t make sense… I grew up hearing about Daniel in the lions den, Shadrach Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace, Moses in the desert for 40 years, Paul in prison, ALL for the cause of Christ. These guys were all living right and they were catching hell.

Yet, I have a bad day and think God has abandoned me.  I’m twisting in the wind and think God has left me here. I mope around as if I’m playing a massive game of hide and seek and God won’t ever give up his hiding place. Any time a tough time arises, I, more times than not, turn it into God picking on me. I pray to God and ask why I’m here rather than praying for direction out of here.

I have failed to get a grasp on the reality that my struggles are entry points to God. I’m not there yet, but I want to be! In my personal experience, I have spent a ridiculous amount of time asking God why before I realize I have to get out to know why. As a result, my valley times typically take longer than intended. Why? Because the extent to which we persist in bringing our problems to God is the extent to which we connect to Him. For when we are at our weakest, His power is completed- WHEN WE SURRENDER OUR COMPLETE WEAKNESS.

To be honest, I’m having an incredibly hard time with this. It’s tough to understand why God, in all his power, allows us to struggle so deeply. Some people say, “If we didn’t struggle deeply, there would be no need for a God.” I don’t really do well with that- because there is a need- to keep us from struggling. I have heard the reality; God wants to be present with me and wants to be my Everything in these situations. But my understanding of this wasn’t always so clear.

I didn’t know that I must understand that He may bring a miracle, He may create a new path, and He may walk with me through a struggle or a loss.

In my lack of ability to understand this, I got frustrated with God and my spiritual walk. I had built up my faith for too long for it to be shattered in a matter of a moment, so I had thought. Isn’t it funny how quick we are to throw away everything we stand for to the curb for a moment of instant gratification? Again, The extent to which we persist in bringing our problems to God is the extent to which we connect to Him. When we fail to lay our problems at God’s feet, we don’t get the complete joy that we need. So, we begin to attempt and replace the emptiness.

I was reading in Genesis, about Joseph and the crazy up and down life he lived; when I related to him in the most unusual story.

I said yes to Potiphar’s wife.

Here Joseph is, basically in charge of everything owned by Potiphar, caring for his things while Potiphar was away.

Genesis 39

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.

Ohh the irony. “My master does not concern Himself with anything in the house; everything He owns He has entrusted to my care.” God has given us free will, He has entrusted us with this life. He was withheld nothing from us, only has told us to do what is right. Yet, I don’t.

She spoke to Joseph day after day. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!”

What is Potiphar’s wife to you? What comes after you day by day? What temptation will not die? What has you caught?  Don’t think literally. What is attacking your purity?

Joseph was in a tough situation. His walk with Christ was stronger than ever, and a tough situation arose. He said no to Potiphar’s wife. My walk was stronger than ever, and a tough situation arose. Potiphar’s wife came after me, and I said yes.

My prayer is that we begin to seek him, not instant gratification, for Joy. For in His presence, there is the fullness of joy.

I’m not there yet, but I want to be!

I Missed God.

I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching for the past 3 months. This blog is a lot of what I’ve learned and come to see. Looking at my life and past from the outside, and dealing with things I have tried to run from for years. None were as tough as this week. I made a fairly big decision in my life nearly a year ago. Today, looking back, I can say, with one hundred percent certainty, I missed God. In this situation, it would appear that I didn’t follow God’s will. Things got tough and patience grew thin. There was a lot of bitterness and pride that lead me to make the decision. But, nonetheless, it was the wrong decision. This hit me just this week- what a learning experience. As I came to this conclusion and really thought it out; where’d I’d be now, what my future would look like, etc. I started to get a little depressed and upset with myself.

When making this decision a year ago, I wanted the will of God to be portrayed to me in a tangible way. But, the problem was that I wasn’t seeking God out. Being the sovereign God He is, I expected the will to just unfold. So until this week, I thought it was the will of God simply because it happened. I didn’t really pray about it a lot, I didn’t seek God for answers- I just expected it to turn out the right way, because He is sovereign.

So, I began to think about my future and God’s will for my life. Am I in trouble? One and done? Will it be as good as it would have been? What do I do now? My body went limp. My breathing became short and I zoned out for a good 30 minutes. When I came back to, and I went and did what anyone would have done who wanted to quit thinking about it- I went and laid down and stuffed my face in my pillow. I have never felt so paralyzed. I didn’t want to move. Yes, yes, I know. This seems awful dramatic for something that happened nearly a year ago- but it’s a decision that could deeply impact me every day for the rest of my life. I apologized to God for a long time, began to ask for forgiveness and direction. He gave me something, and I let go of it in a moment of uncertainty.

My thoughts turned towards Jacob.  There is a tension that characterizes most of Jacob’s life. On one hand, God made promises to Jacob that he would provide for every need in his life. On the other hand, Jacob struggled to attain those same issues through his own means. The important thing about the story of Jacob, though, is that Jacob was completely off course of God’s will. In fact, he had been for nearly ten years. But, Jacob “wrestles” with God. The Lord got Jacobs attention and began the wrestling match, and it could have been over very quickly, but the Lord wanted Jacob to prevail. The Lord wanted the woman to prevail (Mark 7:26). He wanted Moses to prevail.  And He wants you and me to prevail. We must wrestle with God, until God breaks us. God broke Jacob, He then healed Jacob, and as a result Jacob found himself right back on the path for his life that God had always had planned.

So I began to “wrestle” with God. My wrestling match entailed an hour-long drive of me pleading to God for direction and wisdom, for what to do next. I felt hopeless. I felt like I had a beautiful life in front of me, and I missed it. What I love about praying to God is that it, at times, reveals my weaknesses.

My realization was this:

I have spent most of my life being a fatalist.

“It doesn’t matter what I do, God’s will is going to be carried out. He’s God, He’s sovereign.” I have used this, at times, as an excuse to not be faithful- I haven’t tried hard at times, I haven’t done my best, I have spent periods of time sitting still, waiting for God to move, not making plans and holding out. I couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

I need to spend the rest of my life being an activist.

God’s sovereignty and human responsibility work hand in hand, you need both. They work together- God originates the plan, we respond and carry out. God gets His work done through his people.

So often, I either attempt to attain God’s promises for my life on my own, or I expect it to unfold the right way in front of me because God is “good.” Never before have I been so sure that prayer is life and the absence is deadly.

My prayer is that we become activists, faithfully doing our part, so that we may become set apart and prepared for every good work.

If you seek God, his will for your life will prevail.

I’m not there yet, but I want to be.

I got into a conversation with a couple of friends yesterday concerning our generation. As we talked about the lack of honor and respect, as well as the desensitization of sins, etc, a thought came to my mind; as long as something isn’t wrong, I have justified it as right. I began to evaluate my own life and think about how I sit in a pocket of justification, justifying my actions based off of intentions- well if I didn’t mean it wrong then it’s not wrong. Also, how I sit in a pocket of contentment, being okay with lying in the middle of the road of right and wrong; in another word, mediocrity.

I have convinced myself, to this point, that if my actions and thoughts aren’t wrong, then they are right. But, am I wrong? I think there is more to sin than that of doing what is wrong.

1. It is a sin to do things you aren’t supposed to do.
2. It is a sin to not do things you are supposed to do.

James 4:17 – Knowing to do good but not doing it is sin.

To be honest, I think we suffer more from the latter. The failure to produce fruit is likely more of a result from not doing what we are supposed to do. What does this mean?

For example, you may not be hurting someone, but are you helping them? You may not be disrespecting them, but are you treating them with respect? You may not be excluding them, but are you including them? You may not be taking money, but are you giving money? You may not be killing, but are you giving life? I didn’t turn people away from church, but did you get people in? I didn’t hate anyone, but did you love everyone? Our goal is not to just abstain from evil, but to be fruitful.

Do I suffer more from lying or from not reading my Bible? You suffer more from not reading your Bible, because if you read your Bible and began to pursue Christ, the lying would take care of its self. The subtraction of lying from your life in its self does not produce holiness. We have been taught to not be bad, we weren’t taught to be pure. Purity was presented to our generation as staying away from the bad. Yes, we need to do that- but it doesn’t help us in our walk if we aren’t doing the things we are supposed to. If we could begin to do the things that we are supposed to do but don’t, we would stop doing the things we shouldn’t but still do.

When we begin to fail to do the things we are supposed to do, I believe we get trapped in trying to adapt to the behavior pattern Christians around us rather than the righteousness of God. 1 Peter 1:16 says, “Be holy, for I am holy.” To have a healthy relationship with God, we must get out of the mediocrity of saying but I’m not doing anything wrong. Are you doing anything right?

We must repent for what we weren’t supposed to do, but still did.

We must also repent for what we were supposed to do, but didn’t.

John Piper says, “Purity for Christians is not the mere avoidance of evil, but the complete pursuit of good.” We have been told what to stay away from for so long that we never learned what we should run to.

In the parable of the barren fig tree- found in Luke 13:6-9– Jesus tells the story of a man who has a fig tree growing in his vineyard. One day, the man comes to his fig tree and realizes that it isn’t producing any fruit. Out of frustration, he orders to have it cut down. He has been trying, for three years, to get results out of this tree but has nothing to show.

How many of us can relate to this? For so many of us we have been standing trees, producing no fruit. This doesn’t mean were doing anything “wrong,” we’re just not doing any good! So, this man orders for the tree to be cut down- but Jesus steps in and says, “Let’s give it another year. I’ll dig around it and fertilize, and maybe it will produce next year.” Aren’t you thankful God isn’t as results driven as we are? I’d have been cut down years ago.

My prayer is that we would become more concerned with doing what’s right than we are with recording what’s wrong.

I’m not there yet, but I want to be!

When writing a blog, all two times that I’ve done it, I have studied and written the first day and then let it sit until the next day and look over it again and see if there is anything to add or take away. Yesterday, I spent multiple hours reading and studying, I really felt the concerning subject very strongly. And, listen, this is likely doing more for me than anyone reading this- I don’t spend extra time so that more people will read it, but so that I may become stronger in my own faith. This morning, I was hit incredibly hard with a revelation in my own life that I want to share, instead: I finally stumped the perfect god. 

Dry bones have begun to reside in my body. I have been seeking God out, seeking restoration, seeking healing, seeking life to begin to flow into my dry bones; I’ve got nothing. What? Why?…..

This morning, I was playing drums at Victory Church, the Edmond Campus; and I felt restrained all through the rehearsal. In fact, I have felt rather restrained for, as long as, the past six months. Without getting into detail, it has all but knocked me out of the race. I have many times just felt immobile. It’s not a lack of confidence, it’s not a lack of community, it’s not a lack of purpose, it’s not anything physical that I’m missing, I just have had a difficult time finding complete joy. Following rehearsal, a very close friend of mine pulled me aside and began to speak words of life into me. Some people have the gift of looking you in the eyes and letting you know the God is able. She didn’t know where I was at this morning in my walk, she didn’t know if I was struggling or not, she just knew God wanted me to know He’s healing me.

…..So, I began to think, God is our Healer, right? He’s bigger than anything we face, right? He is stronger, right? Yes, yes, and yes. Then why hasn’t he healed me? But His word says to ask and it shall be given to you, right? This is the same God who turned water into wine, He opened the eyes of the blind, He healed the sick through touch, He used five loaves and two fishes to feed 5,000 men, He raised a widows son from the dead, He calmed the stormy sea, He walked on water, He rose from the dead, right? Ridiculous! He has completed the most remarkable works ever, by a man, yet my depression has Him stumped. He did all of these things, but He can’t breathe life into my dry bones? I have finally stumped the perfect god. I have found fault in him.

The problem here is, that, as much as I say I don’t really believe what I just said, my actions show that I do. As much as I raise my hands and say God you are healer! I don’t believe it in my heart, I still hang my head as if nothing is going to change. I have begun to doubt. If I have to question why He raised Lazarus from the dead but he can’t restore life into my dry bones, do I really believe He is capable? The answer is likely no. Who am I to doubt Him? I’m a human incapable of comprehending a God so just, that’s who I am. So maybe I didn’t stump God.

So, what I began to think about is Paul. I began to think how broken he was, the dude was out murdering Christians. Then, God met him at his low point and took him to his high point. WHAT! Here Paul is, murdering Christians, and God meets him in the middle of the road and puts him on the right path. God, why? Why take a murderer and not me? Why restore Paul and not me? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Why me, why not me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

So, I opened my Bible to Philippians, my favorite book of the Bible, and began to read. I have read Philippians a hundred times, the first commentary I ever bought was Philippians. I love the book; but, never before has it struck me so hard as today.

Philippians 1:12-14

“Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.”

We have all heard before that nothing ever catches God off guard. He has never been up in heaven and something out of no where snuck up on him. He is omnipotent, He has all power; He is omniscient, He has all knowledge; He is omnipresent, He is everywhere at the same time. God is aware, God knows about every situation in our lives, nothing just happens. So Paul says, I was in prison, but God was doing something with me while I was in there. You may not know why God has you where you currently are, but there’s a reason and a purpose you are there- If there weren’t, God would get you out. When God doesn’t want you somewhere he’ll move you, move somebody, or move a situation. We must get to a place in our faith and say if I’m here, then God has me here- and then we have to get spiritual enough to say, God, what are you trying to do in me and through me while I’m here?

We all go through situations in our life we would say are painful situations, situations we wouldn’t wish upon anyone. But, what if God doesn’t have us somewhere to be us happy, but to be holy? What happens when God gives us a holy assignment and not a happy assignment? What if the purpose isn’t for you to be happy, but for God to be happy? What if it’s to help someone else be better? Paul said, I was in prison –and because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear. So many times we use our situations as a counteraction to our faith, using it as an excuse to sin. In reality, sin separates us from God and it prolongs your situation.

Paul is in prison, yet He’s still keeping his composure- he’s still praising God despite being locked up for something he didn’t do. He’s not in their for murder, drugs, or anything.. Paul is in prison for living right. What do you do when it seems like living right doesn’t work? (You keep living right) But, Paul says this- when they locked me up, they thought it would take me out; when they locked me up, they thought I’d turn insane; but I kept worshipping, and something good happened. All of the guards, all the other prisoners have been watching me- and because I maintained my composure, they started to get saved. So what the Devil meant for evil, God made it good. God can get glory out of your life no matter the situations you’re living in. Our God is greater, not because everything is perfect, but because He can take the imperfect and use it for his glory. 

Unfortunately, this revelation did not remove my situation; but it has given me a clear mind and ability to trust that if God has me here, there is purpose behind the direct situation. He works all things together for my good, even though all things aren’t good.

In our lives – the purpose is often overshadowed by the process- when God has you in process, don’t let the process make you forget the purpose. Sometimes, the process is not comfortable-but the purpose is to make you better. We must praise God through the process- knowing the purpose will make us better. All things work together, for good, for those who love God and are called according to his PURPOSE. Don’t allow the process to get you out of purpose. It may not be good while it’s working, but it’s working for my good; and I’m going to praise him in the middle of it!

“Philippians 4:10-13 —– I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Come what may.